The Other Side - Part 1

Welcome to my next long-term project! The title of this project is “The Other Side”. The project seeks to find people who believe differently from me; these differences can extend to faith, politics, and even ethics and morality. I will do my best to set aside my biases and have real, judgment-free conversations. The goal of these conversations will be to encourage others to share a part of themselves with me and be open to learning from the other side.

Without further ado, welcome to “The Other Side!

Candice “The Astrology Lady”

I see Candice in the candle section of Indigo, smelling any scent that draws her. In my mind, I wondered whether she believed that different scents had different mystical properties. Or, perhaps, her world is like my own, where vanilla is just a boring ice cream flavour. She greets me with a warm smile and a laugh. She seems to move with the world, rather than merely within it, a freedom I do not allow myself.

We make our way to a small coffee shop inside the bookstore. The location lacks the artsy vibe that would have matched her aesthetic. She looks like she could fit in anywhere, and yet always be unique everywhere.

“All people have a reason for what they believe. How did you come to believe in Astrology and all things supernatural?” This was my first real question. I wanted to know the Genesis of Candice’s beliefs. I assumed that everyone who believed in tarot cards and visions would have found it on their own, a quest for answers where life provided none; turns out I was wrong.

Candice said, “My mom was really into all of this, so I grew up around it. Not all of it is true, and there are a lot of scammers out there, but some of it is true.”

I said, “How do you know if it is true or not?”

She responded, “You don’t know until it comes true, and even then, the timeline could be way off. For example, they could say something will happen this year, but it does not happen till years later. I know it is real, though. I have seen things myself.” As Candice’s voice became clearer and more direct, she gave me a disclaimer. “I can only see for myself, I am not able to see for anyone else, it just does not work like that for me”. There was something about this disclaimer that showed what I would consider a personal belief. Much like Christianity, where a relationship with God is personal but also extends to relationships with other believers. To believe in “New Age” things requires not only internal personal belief but also, because most practices and readings require at least one gifted person, a shared community. There was also a required vulnerability and willingness to be exposed: psychics, tarot readers, and astrologists come to know much of your personal life, hurts, and desires.

I knew one question would not leave my mind until I got it out. “How did you predict your father’s death?” I was worried I would hurt her feelings by pushing too hard. I wanted to know all the details without diving so deep that it seemed like I questioned her experience.

Candice answered without pause, “I knew 10 years before it happened, I did not know it would be him, but I knew it would be one of my parents.” There may have been an unconscious disconnection, or perhaps being emotionally secure with the death, Candice spoke with confidence with no signs of pain. “My dad started a new medication, which has had some class actions open against it; it’s a popular medication, but with the rapid weight loss came cancer.” The one moment where I saw sadness cross her face was when she said, “I tried to get him ot to take the medication, my mother and I both did, we both knew something bad was coming. After taking the medication, he started feeling bad, which led to a cancer diagnosis; at this point, I had cancer too, but we did not know that.”

My mind wandered to all the people I had lost in this life. I wondered if I saw their death coming, would it change how I feel about the experience of passing away; would it cause me to live in fear, would I attempt to change fate, or would I bargain with God? I asked, “Since you had the experience of knowing this was coming, and knew it would be in 10 years, did it change how you experienced his death? Do you think it made it any easier, knowing what you knew?”

Candice glanced up, giving the question thought, “I don’t think it made it easier or harder. I was close with my dad, and I knew what was happening, what was going to happen. I miss him most and think of him when he would have been doing something with me. I was recently looking at cars on my own. I know this was something he would have been doing with me.” In this moment, there was no difference between Candice’s feelings about losing her dad and my own feelings of losing my brother; a pain that is better suppressed. Regardless of the meaning we attribute to life, the past, and the future, loss is still loss; we all hurt at one point or another, using faith to attribute meaning to things that don’t make sense.

I asked, “Do your beliefs give you confidence in a life after this one?”

Without hesitation, she responded, “I know there is a life after this. My dad used to let me know he was there. I even have some videos of things I can’t explain?”

After some thought, Candice pulled out her phone, scanning through videos of friends and memories, looking for the one that would show something more. A smile came across her face, one similar to a poker player looking to hide a good hand. She handed me the phone, and I hit play. The video showed a lamp at the back of the bedroom. The light in the room began to dim, then illuminated much brighter than was normal for a bedroom lamp.

My mind wanted to dismiss the videos as exposure correction, but I knew that was not the case, because the shadows grew and shrank in proportion to the lamp's brightness. Whatever was in that video, I could not explain it except as well-timed electrical issues.

I went back to the topic of her own cancer. “How did you heal yourself of cancer?”

She laughed and said, “I turned to holistic treatments, things that were not being offered to me. There was still surgery, and I tried to take the best of both worlds.”

The conversation turned to small talk, just to get to know the person behind the supernatural stories. The shared sense of humour and the enjoyment of a good coffee reset all the differences that the stories illuminated

I thought to myself how I worked so hard to be able to describe my beliefs in a convincing way, in a way that even if you disagreed, you would see that I’d done the work to draw the best conclusion for myself. Candice’s views and beliefs were not like that; she holds them loosely. She is not concerned with what anyone thinks of them. She explores them with a playfulness I have long since lost in my own faith journey. To borrow a term from my own school of thought, Candice has a childlike faith; total belief without limits, driven by curiosity.

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