I recently finished reading the book "When Breath Becomes Air", and while this post is not meant as a review of the book, Dr. Kalanithi's words have inspired the content of this week's blog. The theme of the book, and the trend of my thoughts following reading it, has been facing mortality and pondering the purpose of life. Dr. Kalanithi was both a scholar of literature and a neurosurgeon, both of which were his pursuits to better understand the meaning of life. At the close of his residency, Dr. Kalanithi discovers he has terminal cancer, which forces him to reconsider how he wants to spend the end of his life, and what the purpose of life is.
Although I don't anticipate death is around the corner, I am confronted with the question of, "What is life all about?" Most of my life, I have been chasing the next thing, which has taken the form of a new skill, a new application of talent, or some form of recognition/status upgrade. The next thing, rather than leading to a sense of fulfilment, has often just opened a succession of doors that reveal the next, next thing. I have to ask myself, was I aiming my passion and time towards the right target, or was I asking the wrong questions? Regardless of the error in methodology, I was not reaching a place in life where I was happy.
King Solomon - known for being the wisest man in the Bible - goes on a quest to find the meaning and purpose of life. Ecclesiastes is the name of Solomon's book, but "The Pursuit of Happiness" might be a more appropriate title (sadly, I was not on the biblical marketing team). Solomon not only had the wisdom to ask the question, "What could I do to bring me happiness", but he also had the resources to answer that question (money was no barrier). What we see, rather than a book of fun and adventure, is a display of philosophical defeatism, which leads to one of the darkest reflections in scripture. Solomon says. "All things are wearisome, more than anyone can say. The eye is not satisfied by seeing or the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiasties 1:1-9). Solomon, rather than giving us a clear direction for our own pursuit of meaning, shows us that real meaning cannot be found in anything one can have, gain, or buy (AKA money cannot buy happiness).
Now that we know where meaning and purpose cannot come from, we are still left with the question of what the meaning of life is, and what we can actually do to provide a sense of purpose to our existence. To me, the answer has to exist outside of ourselves, and has to serve something more than our own whims and momentary desires; the answer must be more than an experience. Now would be a good time to start drawing your own conclusions, but I can only think of two things that avoid Solomon's failures.
- The pursuit of God. This cannot be in an attempt to earn a better afterlife, or cash in our prayer chips for gain, but must be done with a desire to know the unknowable, to aim at the unattainable, knowing you will always fall short, but knowing you will be loved anyway. There is meaning, purpose, and happiness to be found in this.
- To love and give to humanity. This can be in the form of art, kind words, discipline, or even a hug. The second this is pursued for selfish gain, it loses its meaning; but we can find a life of meaning if we see others as valuable, meaningful, and worth our time, worth devoting our lives to.
Rather than a clear way forward, I have discovered that my life is not my own, and that I am but dust to be returned to dust. But...if I live to love, both God and others, I can have a life filled with purpose and meaning.
